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So there's this particular family I have worked with who is what you might call a 'charity case' -- everything from disability to lack of documentation means that this family cannot provide for themselves, they are fully dependent upon the charity of others to survive.  Sometimes this works well for them, like when a family took them in or when people give their kids free clothes.  Other times it doesn't work so well for them, like when they thought they had a place to stay but a sudden change of mood on the part of their benefactor left them homeless, or when the only food they can get for free at food pantries etc. is the very food that is slowly killing the mom (she is diabetic and, in case you didn't know, rice, beans, bread, and sweets aren't really very helpful to a diabetic).

So point #1 is that if we want to believe this family is just living it up at the expense of kind-hearted individuals and government programs, that's just not true.  There is no certainty in charity, and it takes a great deal of faith to believe that your next meal will come at all.  There is no luxury in the uncertainty of charity, but my are there blessings. The abuela is always out and about (despite the fact that she's over 70) doing odd jobs or helping other families out.  In fact, they knew this woman whose son had to have major surgery, so this abuela took it upon herself to assist with the cooking and cleaning for the family of the little boy, even though they could not pay her.  She does not serve just so she can get something out of it, she serves because she knows the only way anyone survives in the kind of world she lives in is by taking care of one another and by giving freely of what each person has.

But besides these arguments, which I feel I could immerse myself in a million times over on any internet discussion board, there is something compelling about this family.  Their dependence on other people is much more apparent than most people we meet in this world.  I am pretty convincingly independent, jetting about in my own little vehicle, working to earn my keep, creating a tidy budget that protects against excesses.  This family, however, isn't fooling anyone.  They will take and take, and then come back to take some more.  Yes, they will give all that they can and then some, but they will never stop taking.  Who will buy their groceries? Who will pay their rent? Who will drive them places? The answer is always - someone else.  They are forced to walk around carrying a banner declaring what none of us are brave enough to admit: we need help.

At the agency where I work, we provide short term services.  We catch people from the spiral towards crisis and hope to give them a boost to the rung above disaster, and that is usually all we can hope to do.  When this family moves out, we will no longer be keeping them housed or connecting them with the kind souls who volunteer to bring groceries or take their kids out to do fun activities.   And we as generous, compassionate individuals hope to do the same, catch a compadre's hand when they are struggling, walk alongside them for a  few steps of the way, then watch them stroll confidently on their own after our departure.  And maybe that's it, that's all each person can do and it takes a world of caring individuals.  But it sure seems to me that in order to respond to the great inequity that is built into our society, it will be required that we continue to give and give and give, because at the core each of us will take and take and take our whole lives.  We'll never stand on our own, we'll never achieve that Great American Dream where we don't need anybody.

A good deed cannot simply be a nice thing we do every so often so long as it does not disrupt the rhythm of our lives.  We don't get to decide when it's over.  When you open yourself up to another person, your lives become joined.  Maybe this is why so many people are scared to volunteer or to have a conversation with the homeless guy on the corner: because once you know someone you can't just sit back and watch them suffer.  And sometimes that means a very extended commitment.  I guess I don't totally know where I'm going with this.  I guess I am just trying to make sense of the very profound (but very simplistic-sounding) realization that need never ends, and if we give with the hope of some tightly packaged finality (success stories that start in disaster and end in smiles and ice cream) we will always be disappointed, because the people we help will come back for more.   We might become angry about something like this, but I guess I hope that we might just realize that no one of us will ever stop coming back for more.  We take and we take and we take, so doesn't that also mean we give and we give and we give?